I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
