38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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