I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
