i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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