I can text with my tongue
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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