HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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