drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
