absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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