she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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