i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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