the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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