ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
