You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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