so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
