Quick, to the slutcave!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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