Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
