Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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