I'm eating all of the evidence.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
