They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
