Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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