sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
