She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
