The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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