so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
