So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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