How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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