hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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