She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
