I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
