Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
