you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
