so that wasnt chicken after all
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
