I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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