38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You made out with two different species that night
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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