i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
