WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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