I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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