I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
