I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize