wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
