Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
