I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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