Best friends brother. Beat that.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
