Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
