she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize