So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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