i permit you to call me
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
