I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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