I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
