i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
