Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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