jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
