Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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