As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
