Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
