i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
