I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
