i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
