btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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