I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
