You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
