No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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