Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
