im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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