call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize