If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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