my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm just crazy horny about you
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
