Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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