I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
