i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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