id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
