do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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