Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize