I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She's JV to your varsity
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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