I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
