Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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