Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
