Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
