His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
