He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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