I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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