Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
