Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
