No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
