U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
