my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
