I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
