dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
