I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize