yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
