oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
