I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
