Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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