You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
