First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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