we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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